I was driving back to my apartment the other night and for some reason there was this phrase repeating in my mind.
"My love will never be enough."
It overwhelmed me.
I am desperate for what little love I have to be enough to provide the needs for everyone surrounding me. I see hurt everywhere and I feel it. I can't help it.
I see the awkward teen in school so very much trying to fit in and failing, and I wish my love for him alone was enough. I see the single mother, with nothing of her own, lose most of her dignity. I see the twenty-something struggling to make it on her own and failing in so many ways. I see the scared patient waiting to hear the doctor say whether or not it is cancer. I see the lonely divorcee. I see the middle-aged person so full of regret, yet unwilling to change.
I want so badly for the love I have for them to be enough for them to feel, to set them on a new path, but it just isn't.
I see dead-end jobs, dreams crashing to the ground. I see pain. I see betrayal. I see fear. I see depression. I see loneliness. I see disappointment. I see significant loss. I see self-hatred. I see bitterness.
I see a broken world... and I feel it.
There is not a single friend or family member of mine that my heart does not break for regularly.
And it overwhelms me.
It's too much hurt and my love will never be enough.
My love will never be enough.
So, as David cried out to God in his distress and for healing, I also cried out to God for them in my car.
I don't know why I feel so much sometimes. It seems pointless. My caring about it, feeling it, loving them, isn't going to change the situation.
I find myself in the place where all I can do is cry out on behalf of them. My tears falling for their pain.
Petitioning God with my reflective feelings of their hurt.
Asking for help when they won't.
Pleading for the one whose love is enough to take hold of them, to take hold of you.
And He will, because even though my love will never be enough, if you let it, His already is.
5 comments:
sarah you have one of the biggest beautiful hearts i have ever known..i'm not just saying that
sarah...this spoke to my heart. and this is so often how i feel. you are wonderful. i love you!
Thanks for sharing that Sarah, it's incredible that God has blessed you with such empathy and love for people and that you see he is what will change and heal people. It's really a huge gift, even though it's such a challenging one.
i love you a lot and you're amazing
just last weekend i realized so intensely that i cannot "love friends out" of their despair...and i thought of your words.
"break my heart for what breaks Yours" was the essence of my prayers for a while...and now i feel that prayer answered. so cruelly.
because only His love can be enough.
Oh Sarah, i would love to just have a coffee with you now and talk. i miss and love you dearly.
Post a Comment